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About Other / Student Obinna Striker19/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Drawing stuff is nice.... that is all. Oh and it is more pleasurable than starburst... that is a lie... sponsor me starburst

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Really good art that I think is cool and you probably should too :T

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Why do I keep talking and writing about her. It’s really frustrating, the thread of my love connected to the concept of her hasn’t broken, instead it is stronger. This is why I hate my mind, as it has become wired to love her, love someone who will never love me. What tears at me in the deepest bowels of my core is that, as I write that she will never love me, my mind has deluded me into believing it not to be true; and as I write this fact mind has done the same once again so on and so forth. I am so deluded that I cannot shake this illusion of love.
I think about her every day, some days worse than others. I get reminded of her face and how I think she is absolutely adorable. I love how sarcastic and smart she is. She is so outrageous and funny and I feel she is the one whose madness matches mine. Regrettably, I feel this may be one of my delusions again. To have the audacity to think that my chaos is like hers… well that was some self-deprecation. I simply say it because she may not want to be associated with my own brand of insanity as I am so readily able and eager hers.
I don’t see much of her, and honestly we really communicated via instant messaging. We go to different schools I don’t drive, we’re going to college soon and I’m not working. How could I have a relationship? I’m so foolish and it is evident my delusions are heavily at work. They confuse me so much that even though I realize that these are or may be (once again at work) crippling delusions, I still believe that I may be deluded in having delusions. Not only that but I am deluded with the novel thought that maybe I am erroneous in how I am viewing the situation. Only seeing how it will not succeed as opposed to how it can.
That however, is irrelevant as she used the aforementioned as the basis of her reasoning as to why we cannot be together. Bear with me, this may be my own insecurities and biases based on my past experiences, but I personally think she actually didn’t like me the way I did her. That of course is no issue, I am fine with that. I just want her to find that person, that she will love and will love her and make her so happy. She has no interest as far as I’m concerned. We were becoming pretty good friends, but because of my confession, she was dissuaded from furthering our friendship. I was deluded into thinking that we could continue onwards as if nothing happened, but alas of course it could not be.
She still is strangely my muse, my experience with her made me feel so many emotions. The result of that is it is pretty easy for me to get to writing, not only in getting started but I am also more easily invested as well. The delusions have seeped into this, romanticizing the fact that even though I no longer in contact with her, my experience with she still inspires me. The delusion has created the idea that my love for her is so true, real and right that she is my eternal muse. That even though she is away and seemingly we aren’t meant to be, my love- and let no mistake be made, my and only my love, as it is not both of ours, the experience will continue to serve as my conceptual muse until we are reunited in our perfect and inevitable love. This is hilarious, it really is, how my delusions of true love are so deeply embedded into my being that I could think this could be the case. Also ew, just ew to the idea, that she is to serve as MY source of artistic inspiration. How sickening, the word “my” is the problem in the sentence and how it relative to the idea it’s tied to denotes almost a type of ownership, at least in that particular situation.  Of course that’s not to say that someone you love cannot serve as inspiration, in fact in a relationship it can be symbiotic. The issue may lie in the fact that in actuality it is not a relationship and as a result it is not symbiotic, but instead a result of delusion and is almost selfish and parasitic. I dunno, maybe, I’m exaggerating a bit or overthinking it, I mean I am pretty sure I never had the intention to see her in the sense of some type of ownership, I’m simply trying to expound on the erroneous nature of my delusions.
I saw her recently, but pretended each time that I didn’t see her. I’m pretty sure she did the same. It felt kind of awkward, I really feel sick thinking about it right now. I hate it, the whole situation, the fact I’m still writing about her, and she probably isn’t thinking about me. The fact I still have hope that maybe we could be together one day. The fact that I am pretty sure these are indeed delusions, but I keep falling back into believing that they are reality. Hope and belief, two stones I received that were meant to be God’s message and guidance to me. How pompous, how prideful, how foolish, how delusional can I really be!? My delusion is so intricate and deep that it has twisted my perception of the gift given to me from God, was simply to support my inclination and desire to be together with a girl; and though I may not perceive her as just some girl, based on what I’ve revealed can my perception truly be trusted?
Fog
If you read this, I actually would like to hear what your opinion is, I think it would be really cool
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No more obligations
After four years of work, I almost done
Now things I’ve been practicing are all almost over
I’m free, but with it
I feel lost

I wonder now what to do next
Really what’s gonna happen?

I also think about how I never really met anyone
Ew, I know sappy and cliché, right
But it’s a genuine concern and insecurity for me

Now I am lying alone
Late at night, wondering what really is to come

Free and lost.
Wish I may:

My buddy said you said hi
I could almost feel your excitement pulsating from him when he said it

I wish I had never known of you

I stood there looking at you
Honestly I didn’t think you were anything special
But there was a strange energy you gave off
It was off-putting

I wish I had never seen you

One day we finally met
You were so fun and full of energy
But you were awkward in the same non awkward way like me
Our night wasn’t perfect
Neither were you
nor was I
I pushed the idea of you away from me, I thought I felt nothing
But somehow I couldn’t seem to push it far enough
I wish I had never met you
The next day I felt regret
The night was so terrible; nothing could ever come of it
Right?
No, you plagued my mind
I couldn’t get you out
So I tried to talk to you more
You were cool
You are so cool
The coolest

I wish I had never done that

Talking to you was so natural
I wanted to talk to you more and more
I would feel scared too
But you would always show me I had nothing to fear
We talked and talked, it was so great
But I soon started to feel
Oh the crap
Why did I have to feel
The more I learned of you
The more I ….
l-l…
Fuck
What’s the point in pretending
I loved you
Hell, I still love you
The feeling is so strong
I knew how bad it was
But it only grew stronger
And I wanted to grow closer
So I told you

Heh, I really wish I didn’t do that

I guess I was right to do it
It was not only “good” for me
But it was in respect of you in a way
You deserved to know the whole story
And you were very respectful about it
You did not feel the same way
But you didn’t put me down
Somehow you still managed to show how smart you were too
And this made me love you more
I didn’t talk to you for a while
But I couldn’t just leave you
We were still friends…
Right?
Just because I couldn’t get to be with you
Didn’t mean I had to just leave you
So… I tried talking to you again
As friends …
Right?

You wish I hadn’t done that... right

I greeted you like I always had
You responded
But never like you used too
I felt it
It hurt
Badly

After a while it stopped
You didn’t respond
I don’t know if I’m glad you did or not
I just know that I… still loved you
But this has taught me that

I hate that I love you
I wish I didn’t…


That was a lie.

When I first met you I felt like I was alone
But when I was away from you I couldn’t help to want to be with you
How we met was kind of surreal…
I dunno
Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic
But so are you …
See surreal

What’s ironic is that when I was away from you I feel more with you
You haunt my every thought
Your presence is everywhere go
I can’t seem to get away from you

You’re so…
Wonderful.

I wish I had never known you…
I really do
Yeah that's all. Any advice on software, styles and anything for improvement would be appreciated.

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OstrikerX
Obinna Striker
Artist | Student | Other
United States
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:iconknytcrawlr:
knytcrawlr Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
many thanks for the watch, it's really appreciated! 

stay awesome! :headbang:
Reply
:iconn0-username:
n0-username Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

um, hello. I was wondering if u were interested in joining my group omi-artists. it a general art group meaning it accepts EVERYTHING. omiartists.deviantart.com/

Reply
:icondogman0:
dogman0 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2015  Hobbyist Filmographer
Hey, random question...if you could meet any fictional character, who would it be, and what would you do with them?
Reply
:iconostrikerx:
OstrikerX Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2015  Student Artist
Naruto definitely and we'd work together to keep moving forward to most definitely achieve our individual goals!!
Reply
:iconnedtar:
NedTar Featured By Owner May 29, 2015  Student Artist
Thanks for the fav :)
Reply
:iconink-provised:
Ink-provised Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thx for the Llama *-* :heart:
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:iconfoxyuko:
foxYuko Featured By Owner May 28, 2015
Thank you Llama...an important part of life 
Reply
:iconflippythebear:
FlippyThebear Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
hello
Reply
:iconostrikerx:
OstrikerX Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Student Artist
Hi! Thanks for visiting my page :D
Reply
:iconflippythebear:
FlippyThebear Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
your welcome
Reply
:iconcarimej:
CarimeJ Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thnx for the :llama:!!!!  AND thnx for the :+fav: on my fav.me/d8u33uk too!! :tighthug:

Feel free to visit my gallery whenever you want to!! =D
Reply
:iconeveningstar2000:
Eveningstar2000 Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
Thanks for the llama^^
Reply
:iconunknownmasquerade:
UnknownMasquerade Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
Just click on profile first thing i saw Tai and Argumon.

*thinks* Digimon fan!!!!

Thanks for the llama much appreciated
Reply
:iconmitsunethekitsune:
MitsuneTheKitsune Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist
Thank you for the Llama! ^^
Reply
:iconkriselle1:
kriselle1 Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the llama
Reply
:iconsofjae:
SofJae Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for my 50th llama! Cute artwork ^^
Reply
:iconmacgrl:
MacGrl Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
Thanks for the :llama: :D
Reply
:iconebn64:
EBN64 Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the Llama~! :')
Reply
:iconarchcontagion:
archcontagion Featured By Owner May 27, 2015
Thanks for the llama.
Reply
:iconcoraldwarf:
CoralDwarf Featured By Owner May 26, 2015
Hey, thanks for the llama :hug:
And cool gallery by the way!
Reply
:iconchelsea0230:
chelsea0230 Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
Reply
:iconofmenandrobits:
OfMenAndRobits Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama!!
Reply
:iconkira-huskal:
Kira-Huskal Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the llama :hug:
Reply
:iconcicada-season:
cicada-season Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you for the favorite ^^
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:iconkiew1:
kiew1 Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the llama!!
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